Broadcasts

Here we go! I never thought it would look like this...

7/15/2023

50 is Nifty

When I was 10, I was told DOUBLE DIGITS! Like it was a huge milestone, a right of passage. Little did I know.
When I was 20, I thought I was grown up. Little did I know.
When I was 30, I felt like I was entering middle age. Little did I know.
When I was 40, I felt like I was still figuring it all out. I felt silly to think I hadn't yet. Little did I know.

Now I am turning 50, and when I think of what 50 looked like to 10, 20, 30 or 40, it felt old. I don't feel old. I feel better at 50, in fact, than I did at 30. At 30, I ate like crap, floundered in purpose and dedication (and loyalty), and it showed.

I am still figuring it out, but I am doing so by nurturing my inner child right now. I am seeing the young child parts of my self that haven't healed, and have come to Shambhala to do so. I am seeing the young adult parts of my self that haven't matured, and I have come to Shambhala to do so. And that may take another 50 years, and that's okay. I know what we are creating here is a place for everyone to do that kind of deep work and healing, through the land, though, not through me. My days of "healing" others are long behind me. Because we can't do that. Only us and us alone can do the work it takes to heal. And that knowledge alone, makes me feel every day of 50 — all 18,250 days of it.

That's a lot of miles... but not half way! If you know me well, you'll know my vision. I will live to 108. The number of beads on the mala and rosary strands, the number of completion. I have seen it, and it feels good. And I know it will be approaching the darkest of winter's days, so I'll be 108.5. And I'll have gone through my 4th Saturn Return.

Yes, 50 is a milestone, but 50 is just a number, another day, another year, another decade, and only whatever you make of it. I plan to make this year my best, as I always do. With the help of this magical place we now get to call home. I hope you come visit us here. It's indescribable.

Milestones are magical...
Andy

Reflections on Week 1 on Shambhala!

7/8/2023

Lessons from the Land

If you read my musings from last week, you'll know that after 13 months of waiting, planning, creating, manifesting and completing more tasks than I can remember, we've finally made it to our final destination – The Shambhala Collective. To 40 acres in Eastern Tennessee, where 5 of us have partnered together to create a sustainable, off-grid, cooperative permaculture farm and education center (yes, that's a mouthful, and it's sometimes as daunting as it sounds).

First, it feels so good to be here. It's slower (as I mentioned last week), calmer, gentler, happier, and downright blissful, most of the time. When we remember not to sweat the small stuff. Such as miscommunication, a broken this or that, running out of space in our poop buckets, and generally—quite literally—sweating our thick-blooded tushies off (welcome to the South!).

The messages that keep recirculating for me are as follows. I hope they are helpful.

1. Be patient with the minds and hearts of others. They may not move as fast as yours, they may not be as open as yours, they may not love change. Be patient, send love, and ask questions.

2. Living in community is new. We are all adjusting to this concept. The lack of privacy, but the gain of so much more is what we brushed up against yesterday, and we don't even have all 8 of our families here yet. When we do, I see joyous gatherings, helpful work sessions, and the food--so much food and resources to share! And honestly, I felt the lack of privacy so much more deeply in Suburbia than I do here. I can shower naked behind my deck with no one in sight, just the birds and the trees as my witness. I couldn't even walk around in my own home naked because we have had neighbors on all four sides, within 20 yards, for over 15 years. I'm not a nudist, let me clarify, but I have been naked in creeks with friends in the woods and not cared a bit... but not, again, for well over 15 years (more like 25).

3. Trust that the Universe ALWAYS (always always!) provides! She has brought us this amazing piece of land. She has gifted us with amazing neighbors. She has given us the fruits of her own natural and abundant labor (the wild blackberries. OMG!). She has shown us what paths to take, which friends to make, and what branches to shake. She is with us, always. All you have to do is ask, and then TRUST. Which is harder for you? Perhaps both.

I am grateful to be here now, especially, as I am in the month of my birth, cycling into my 5th decade, and ready for the "second half" of a magical life that I have manifested through synchronicity, but more on that next week.

In Goddess we trust,

Andy

Notes from the Void

7/1/2023

It's all happening

We have entered the fast pace of summer--where most things external distract and dance our attentions away, where busy is an understatement, where the pace quickens despite the desire to slow down.

This is normal. This is summer. Fun! Music! Travel! Kids! Play! Camping! Every weekend is packed, every party is loud, an so is the pool.

But here, on Shambhala, it is different.

On Monday, we moved all of our belongings up to the land, despite not being finished with our home—to be settled in one place, to be focused on one thing, to come together to build. We have slowed. Our hearts are open, our minds are open, and our pace is slow.

This is because when you retreat to the woods, you are on nature's time. The weather dictates projects. The energy levels dictate pace. There is no air-conditioning, and there is barely a kitchen, but it's coming together.

I went to the city today, and I watched the pace quicken, the traffic swell, the heat index rise. It was relieving to come home—to the country—to sit in solitude, with the one little bee that is buzzing around me as I write this. And it feels grounding, pacifying, and intentional.

I urge you to practice slowing. It's good for you. Listen to the birds, feel the heartbeat of mother earth, slow down and set intentions. Live in the present moment with enrichment. You won't regret it.

Wayne Dyer calls this getting in the gap between thoughts. This is the void--where the magic happens.

Do you always feel the need to choose?

6/24/2023

Solar Consciousness and Polarity

Last Saturday, we finished the 2-part Sage of The Undoing by Mike Dooley and Lyssa Royal Holt. Yesterday, I decided to draw some cards and here are some important takeaways that I need to share with you. The first card that I drew out centers us on solar consciousness. Our solar system represents all the aspects of human consciousness. This is visible through astrology. The sun represents our higher self and, although, it is a part of us, it's important to nurture the relationship between you and the higher version of who you truly are.

Solar consciousness compels us to integrate our parts and become whole again. This process happens naturally as we connect with and become the higher self. This form of consciousness represents the "bright light" of awareness and is the type of energy that guides us through life. In my reading, it said that I drew this card out because it could be time that I (we) completely acknowledge the connection with my higher self that I already use as a spirit guide who brings messages from this higher aspect of me. Or, that I (we) don't feel completely connected and it could be a message that's prompting me (us) to start making that bond / connection. Whether or not that connection is developed, it is there, so why not use it?

The energy of any star, in its raw form, is a direct representation of the intelligence of creation itself. Pure consciousness. It hasn't fragmented, and it exists in a fully integrated state. This energy is present for you and is, in a sense, waiting for you to acknowledge it and accept its presence in your life. Even people who feel fully connected to their higher selves can go deeper.

The second card I drew out centers us on Orion and the Leap of Faith. For as long as we can remember, our society has been living with the mindset of polarity. We continually label things as good or bad. If we don't know how to label something, then we suddenly feel a sense of confusion or insecurity. But it doesn't have to be this way. We can integrate polarity and transform as a species by taking the leap of faith, jumping off the cliff into the unknown to a realm where labels like that don't exist. We must learn to simply be with things as they are. As we do this, our consciousness transforms and we heal.

Know that when we live in polarity for a long time, we become used to how a polarized reality looks and feels. Anything new is frightening and the ego is frightened of the unknown. But if we don't walk in the unknown, we remain stuck. It becomes essential that we take a leap of faith when we can't clearly see our destination. I encourage you to take a look at your life circumstances now. Do you need to trust more and take a leap of faith about something even if you cannot see the outcome?

If you feel deep within yourself and trust your intuition, you will always know when it's time to take that leap. Fear can be used as a gauge. A high degree of fear about a leap of faith might be a sign that the leap is what needs to occur to move you to the next step in your evolution.

I hope this brought you clarity as much as it did for me.

Trust your intuition.

The Undoing: A Summary (Part 2)

6/10/2023

What can you do to make the transition easier?

Last week, I started this summary of "The Undoing," a 21-day Adventure with Mike Dooley and Lyssa Royal Holt (and Sasha, the Pleiadian she channels). If you missed that email, DO go back and look for it before going on... because this won't make sense.

AND I URGE YOU to read to the end for my gift to you.

Okay! Onward...

So, weeks 3 and 4 workshops really took the galactic story to the place I love to go, into the deeper parts of self, and understanding of our role with the Whole.

Sidebar: Did you know that George Lucas (Star Wars) and Gene Roddenbery (Star Trek) got most of their original ideas from a Pleiadian channeler? They were in the room with Phyllis Schlemmer when she channeled Tom, which eventually filtered into her book "The Only Planet of Choice: Essential Briefings from Deep Space."

I bring this up because in Week 3, Sasha opens with another story, helping to illustrate on "The Maya"—or "the Illusion." (Or: The Matrix.) The story used an analogy of being on stage, and specifically the two perspectives of Luke Skywalker versus Mark Hamill, and how, to the viewer, we know the difference, but if Luke was real, he wouldn't know he wasn't, he wouldn't know that he and Mark are the same, but Mark does—a bit of a mind twist—but she called this "Being in the world but not of it."

This is important, because it's just one example of the fractiles of reality that we live in. We are multidimensional, and infinitely so, but we'll unpack that in the 4th.

For the rest, I'll just drop the bullet points again:

Our guides are fractiles of our own consciousness expressing itself in another realm
Willingness and sincerity are the modes for increasing awareness
Taoism is one of the oldest "beingnesses" that recognized the true nature of reality, the teachings of which have come from very ancient civilizations—the Vega Lineages
"The Work" by Byron Katie (meditation) can help separate the illusion from your consciousness
What you put out is what you get back is NOT a mental thing, it's an emotional thing. That's why manifesting doesn't always work. It requires an emotional level that many are either unaware, untrained, or unwilling to go to.
4th Density is a spectrum, and the frequency will gradually shift on the spectrum. Right now, we're dipping our toes in the spectrum and the Pleiadians are actually at the end of it, moving into the 5th.
Healing won't spontaneously happen in 4D because disease is more like a suitcase you're dragging around, and the bag is often too big to fit through the door to 4D, so the healing needs to be done here in 3D.
Climate change is connected to the 4D shift. It's a direct reflection of the imbalances we are in, and will right itself when we do.

HOMEWORK 3
Meditation: practice shifting between being in the gooey oneness (pre-separation), and then being on the stage (referring to Mark Hamill playing the part), in the audience, and in the one, as an experiential knowledge of being everywhere all at once—multiple realities simultaneously.

Workshop 4 notes:

In this, Sasha gets further into explaining "The Holographic Self" using an analogy of a Jigsaw puzzle of an apple—broken apart, they are 100+ pieces that don't look like an apple. This is how the ego views reality in this separated realm—very linear and partitioned.
This isn't the truth.
In truth, every little puzzle piece has a complete apple, you think you're the piece looking for the rest of your puzzle, BUT within yourself you contain the whole image—the ONE.
In this consciousness, you're focused on the separation, so much it's hard to see the whole. But that is how one's consciousness begins to shift—in repeated surrender to the idea of separation, and focusing on the whole—through meditation (exercise below).

Continuing on that, each moment is a choice and the choices are infinite, and every choice creates a new fractal and new reality, but your ego can't trace every choice because each branch has a new you with a new ego, and it can't possibly track. It's not its job. This is how infinite you are—feel through this how vast you are. This is who you are, not who your ego is. If you get a bird's eye perspective above, the linear line is curved. The higher you go, it becomes a circle. You only see a tiny part of the time continuum that looks straight, but this line is the evolution of consciousness.

Our species is beginning the ascent.
Time isn't linear, it's cyclical—an actual spiral—and moves, like the breath.
As we know, in Quantum Physics, whatever your observe depends on the observer (perception, filtering, distortion, etc.)
The more you're anchored in the physical reality, the more distorted it becomes
As you're moving higher, you're having experiences that defy the linear reality of time—a sign of evolution

This is why the role of the ego is so important, because without an ego, you can see how hard it would be for you to locate your specific timeline! The task is to turn ON our own GPS that can lead us back towards further and further integration.

Next analogy is The Fear Band, which is like a membrane that contains the collective memory of separation from the one. This controls the Ego's reality. When you start breaking little holes in the fear band and your consciousness is able to fill into the spectrum that it's in, it can feel like a new energy, like jelly/jello, and that midway point between the two (also a spectrum) feels like an airlock transition chamber from one reality to another. When you've let go of the gravity of the anchor and transition to a realm, you can feel like you're charging a battery. It begins to introduce you to the memory of who you are as consciousness beyond the ego anchor. This is a whole new level of consciousness.

Every fork in the road, you go down both, but each of you thinks you are the one
In every one of those, there's a copy of your family, so are they real? That's the ego trying to figure it out.
Remember, there's really only one consciousness, and it's embedded. Your ego can't track the others, it's not its job.
All of you are just one being. Viewing itself, like mirrors facing itself. Stay in your lane.
Why does this matter to you and how does it affect your reality. It's humbling. And you begin to understand that everyone else's pains and problems are still you. Not you the ego, you the One. There really isn't any separation, and compassion grows.

As such, now you can see the futility of conflict, because all you're doing is fighting yourself. What you're all feeling right now is a sense of exhaustion from managing reality from an "egoic state." You can't keep the plate spinning anymore, and it's time to flow more with reality rather than juggle everything. Here is where the Undoing comes in.

Meditation:
Reboot/Recharge immersion experience to tune yourself to a new frequency that you can practice and feel it, so you can find it on the map again so you can feel it in the future.

Eyes closed
Belly breathing
Jaw relaxed
Gentle in and out
Feel the energy shift
See the mirrors facing each other
Like a familiar corridor
It's safe and you can let go
Slow down and move to a certain point in the tunnel
And you pop out in the jungle with a beach and allow yourself to go to the pool of water and enter, with the warm water up to your neck
Ease deeper and deeper into relaxation
It is energetically supportive and nurturing
Your inward eyes are closed and you're feeling the peace
You feel a friend enter the pool, a factile that is in resonance with you—a future self
Let the being leave, but the energy remains and you come back through the fractile tunnel back to the human identity

HOMEWORK 4
✶ Prana work to expand the energy
✶ Signature behavior lesson
✶ What belief systems you have are ready for upgrade or letting go
✶ Your personal stories—which ones keep repeating?
✶ Choose paradox (not enlightenment)

MY GIFT TO YOU
(Profound right???)

Yeah, but I feel like there are those of you who will want more, will want to listen to these, and learn how to integrate this. And I feel like this is a very important task.

As some of you know, I purchased Lyssa's card deck "Galactic Heritage," and I'm LOVING it. I urge you to check out her website, books, and those cards, if working with the Galactic Councils guiding us feels aligned to you.

I also want to share this workshop. I have downloaded the 4 audios, and while you aren't able to see Mike and Lyssa in the audios, hearing them and, especially, the homework and meditations, will help us all integrate into this new reality together.

You can find those here, in a Google Drive folder for the pack.

Thank you for taking the time to do this, to ponder this, to read this, to move this energy WITH us. In the end, we are one, and we don't just do this together, we do this for ourselves, for the I, the One.

One love, in One we trust.

– The One

The Undoing: A Summary (First Part)

6/3/2023

Guidance from the Pleiadians

It's been a couple of weeks since Mike Dooley's 21-Day Adventure "The Undoing" commenced, but it's taken me a bit to process this, and it's come up a bunch in conversation, so as you know, that's my cue for writing!

The Undoing was a collaboration with Lyssa Royal Holt, longtime channeler of Pleiadian guide, "Sasha," who have co-authored many books and card decks. Sasha has been bringing messages for and guidance through our transition and shift, and although I'd never heard of Lyssa or Sasha (which is why I adore Mike—for bringing people into my life that I always resonate with!), I was introduced to a Pleiadian guide in my early 20s in Oregon and have been drawn to channelers and galactic knowledge ever since! ("Abraham" and Esther Hicks, Peggy Black and "the team," Tom Kenyon and "the Hathors," "Orin and Daben" and Sanaya Roman, and the list goes on!)

When I saw this 21-day adventure, I jumped right in, and I'm so glad I did.

What I always find interesting is the similarities in the messaging—no matter which channel I'm reading. This brings me satisfying concurrence—an affirmation that what I'm "buying into" is legit. Of course, it's all a little different because their channels are unique, but the messages are always similar and concurrent. Such as: We're all here to help with this transition right now, from 3D to 4D. We're all upgrading our DNA to do this, and we're shifting into the Divine Feminine (which the "new age" community has been talking about for 50 years!). It's a long shift. In fact, one of the coolest nuggets I took away from Sasha was that this transition is actually a 300-year one. Every time I think, "why is this taking so long?" "Why have we been talking about the same shit for 50 years?!" Now, I know. It's because humans (or 3D beings in general, apparently) can't shift into 4D quickly. Makes sense.

There are too many takeaways from the 4 workshops with Lyssa and Sasha in Mike's 21-Day Adventure "The Undoing" to fit into just one Saturday Sage email, so I'm going to start with the 1st and 2nd workshop, and finish the rest next week.

My notes:
3D = separation (we have separated from Source Energy)

If you're overwhelmed right now, you're doing too much (Hello!)
You have two states of consciousness and it's hard to go between them = "3rd Density," which is "very dense" and 4D, which is more open
Moving between them can make changes in the physical body
Your light is what supports and nurtures your body in a physical reality
The source of fuel in 3D is food, air, sleep to keep "the organism" running
But, you don't get a lot of fuel from universal energy and you're not taught how to manage or build your energy (to adapt to 4D)
SO: HOW to help your changing body adapt to this energy shift...

First, our gas tank is located in the 2nd chakra ("dan-tien") / womb. We collect energy here and circulate it through the organism.
When we have blocked up emotions, they create blocks in the system.
If you are super mental, your energy in dan-tien is low.

Symptoms include: Low energy, short breath, digestive issues, very emotional
We must do the work to raise this energy to shift all that, and when we do this work and shift into the 4th, the separate beings within you will begin to align.

HOMEWORK 1:
Sasha gave us an exercise to do to help us with the transition.
✶ Bring the mind and focus to the 2nd chakra for energy building (dan-tien)
✶ Sense a candle flame burning brightly there
✶ Each time you breathe the candle flame gets brighter and brighter...
✶ Then, see a fan opening and closing with the breath, to bring energy in
Do this many times a day, and do it when you do yoga or qigong, etc.

Some additional background that came up during Q&A:
✶ Only 3- and 4D have physical bodies
✶ Every race going through this shift has to do shadow work at this stage—the Pleiadians had to as well—and that's why a lot of them are here to help us through this. They are a very peaceful race. Sasha is 600 years old ("Do or do not, there is no try").

The difference between the "3rd Dimension" and "3rd Density" – the dimension is a place in which you experience your level of conscious and 3rd density – so density refers to the being, and dimension refers to the existence.

The macro-purpose is we all have to move back to source. Your micro-purpose is your own, based on momentum from other life experiences.
Workshop #2 notes:

Where is ego during this transformation process? Resistance.
Crucial aspects for going back the way you came: Relax into the process vs. trying to do it; the Consciousness natural state is integration with the one; when the shift happens, the ego goes through the most turmoil because it thinks reality depends upon what the ego is doing. But in 4D, your reality depends on the UNdoing! The ego is afraid and grasping for more and more control. That's what we're seeing. People are feeling they're out of control.
She told an elaborate story around this, but in short: All the stories are there to control you: Food scarcity, our concepts of money are changing, all conspiracy theories, etc.
Don't buy the hype. ANY of it!
Consciousness is evolving—even primates and parrots are on the cusp of going to 4D because consciousness is
Part of you longs for reality outside the confines of the kingdom
In 4D, Divine will and Human will are the same
Manifestation work is work of clarification
Be the flow
And... the panic passes the more you let go

HOMEWORK 2: "Signature Behavior"
✶ Witness the Ego and triggers this week and do the belly breath when you do
✶ Looking for resistance to flow
✶ How the ego sees it

Example:
Always thinking we have to DO (usually goes back to other lifetimes where you felt like you didn't do enough)

Healers never heal. That person's healing journey may be inspired by your mirror, but THEY have to do the work.

Covid-19 was a result of the energy of humanity and had we not had a pandemic, we'd have gone down a much worse, scary road. It changed our trajectory. (Cool!)

Good job if you made it this far! I'll wrap the rest of this up next week. In the meantime, I suggest you practice those homework items!

Tell US what YOU NEED

5/20/2023

Ask and you shall receive

When we started these emails a year and a half ago, the intention was to focus on the collective energy of the week—because what I'm experiencing is just a microcosm view of what the entire collective is feeling--we are all one, yes? And that has evolved over that time to be a combination of both what we are all processing together, and a running reflection of what is going on in my world—the intensity of it is palpable most days. And lately, I've been feeling like--are they even reading this? Is this interesting to or resonating with them? What did they sign up for in the first place? Many of you signed up for Synchronicities and Affirmations... and that's not what I've been giving!

So let's take a barometer test of what it is that you're looking for, because I could spend the next 2 months continuing the roller coaster of my life, emotional state, mindset, and physical recuperation and all the AHAs in between (which is where the JUICE is!). But if it's not landing on our readership, then it's all for naught.

These topics that have come across my field in the last few weeks, and I'd love to expand upon them. Tell me if any of them land with you!

- Climate Chaos is a Direct Reflection of our 4D Transition
- Overwhelm is a Choice
- Why I Fell Through the Deck is Actually Really Deep
- Why No One Wants to Work Anymore
- Are Politicians an Extension of Satan

Check all that apply to / resonate with you:
YES! Loving the Yurt Soap Opera – please continue!
YES! More of the energetic updates and tools for navigating the stress of this world
YES! One or more of those above topics resonate with me

Thanks for sending your feedback!

As a bonus, here's a treat for you from Mike Dooley's Note from the Universe that I hope resonates with you as much as me!

When someone is so eager to have what they want to have, do what they want to do, or be who they want to be, Andrea, that they'd rather take little, tiny, teensy steps in the direction of their dreams than face one more single day of doing without, I just can't help but open the floodgates.

It's my greatest weakness.

We bad,
The Universe

Don't forget it: All you have to do is INTEND and the rest aligns!

Master Mindset Basics

5/13/2023

What happens when you fall off the path?

What happens when you fall off the path? I hadn't sunk that low in a long time. I wasn't watching the mind, and she ran away with the negative Nancies. She started believing the naysayers, and sweating the small stuff.

The last year hasn't been a smooth ride—ups and downs, and twists and turns--all the whole trying to hold the faith, believe in synchronicity, and allow.

Patience isn't my strong suit, nor is waiting. Nor is sitting idle. Nor is budgeting. Nor is graciously dismissing the assholes (energy sucking vampires, scammers, pissers on your parade, etc.). All of these things (and more) have been challenged in the last 6 months. Somewhere in January, my mindset derailed. I didn't hear myself saying the negative tracks, they just snuck in, little by little (the fuckers!). And accordingly, doubt, fear, disbelief, and frustration settled in and made themselves comfortable.

It took the fall from our deck on April 3rd to bring me back to center. To remember to use my tools, to surrender to the flow, to flip the scripts.

I did the same thing I tell my students to do:

1. Be observant for a week, set reminders to check your mindset, and write down the negative tracks. I learned this trick from one of my early coaches and love it because it works extremely well. This task brings your awareness inward, pausing in the present moment, and checking yourself.

2. Then after a week, you take the top 3 repeated tracks or themes and flip the script, writing affirmations for all 3 that are opposite of the negative track. Many times a day, especially when you hear the negative one, or feel yourself going there.

This habit sticks if you do it for a month or more, and before you know it, way more thoughts are positive than negative. Once that locks in, the synchronicities can flow, the right people show up, the way forward aligns, the light returns, and joy flutters into the dark spaces to bring back the childish wonder. Then you can start manifesting your dreams!

If you don't know, we have a course that helps you do this: 21 days of affirmations. I think I'm going to go through it again this month. Who's with me?

Mindset always matters,
Andy

Ancestral Healings

4/29/2023

And multidimensional musings. . .

This past week, Tom Kenyon (www.tomkenyon.com) dropped his latest transmission from The Hathors, and it was a profound one I suggest you read here. And I suggest you do his meditation. I like to do them in the bath with the candles lit, essential oils in the air, and a ceremonial vibe.

What these musings of ancestral healings bring up for me is also in tune with something I heard this past week at our Juice Plus Conference from Dr. Mitra Ray: It took over 60,000 lives for you to have the DNA you do today, to make up you.

When I heard that, I pondered how I've been told I've had over 25,000 lifetimes here. What if those lifetimes were the makeup of my DNA? What if in the cycle of life, the multiverse, and the multiple reality timeline we can live, just like in your dream space, there is actually only you.

We separate from Source energy to find our ways back to that same Source through Enlightenment (or so some—myself included—believe). If we don't master the game here, we come back, again and again—perhaps tens of thousands of times—to try again. If we choose to (or not).

If my pondering about the 25-60,000 versions of me ("ancestors" or perhaps original, yet, now outdated models of me) leads me to believe that if I'm healing my ancestors, then I'm healing old versions of me, and we all know this is true, because whether or not that is me, I carry around that baggage like its mine!

What is Ancestral Baggage?

My paternal grandmother's secret about being in the Amazon Army.
My maternal grandmother's victim mentality, always needing an injury or illness to attract attention.
My paternal grandfather's heart attack, leaving his later life unfinished, and a widow too young.
My paternal great grandfather's "unjust" murder while attempting to affect change in the coal mining industry.

The list goes on because the names go back, and back, and back.

These things we carry with us in our DNA are imprints of a reality that isn't ours, yet molds ours. Which is like a glitchy computer program, or a song stuck on repeat.

To move these on, return them to the sender, heal the wounds, work with forgiveness, love and gratitude. Always.

Oh, Night Divine

4/15/2023

Hear the angels calling. . .

I found myself on the ground, gasping for air, and I was trying to stave off the panic. When I actually could breathe again, I assessed my status; the many years of lifeguarding was kicking in.

Check watch: 12:50, probably been down here about 5 minutes now. Wiggle toes and fingers. Can I roll? Yes, but it's painful. Roll back. Am I dizzy? Did I lose consciousness? Am I bleeding? No. No. No.

12:55, neighbor arrives, and I'm not sure how, but I'm calm. She doesn't want to move me, so they call the ambulance. Begin the long wait...

While we're waiting below on the cold grass under the deck for the ambulance to arrive 45 minutes later, I'll back up. . .

As many of you know, we are building our new forever home in TN on 40 acres we're turning into an permaculture community, and our deck for 2 yurts is a bit of a beast, that's bitten me a few times already. I'm cautious AF up there because it's tall, and not decked yet.

But, last Tuesday, I let my guard down—turned too quickly while stepping, and missed the subfloor. My legs went through the joists, banging and scraping the left one, and dropping me on my ribs on top of the joist, somehow hitting my face on the next joist, and slumping to the cold ground beneath to, as you know by now, catch my breath. I have never gasped for air like that, and I've been punched in the gut before, by a much bigger girl in the 7th grade, but she wasn't made of solid 2x8 treated lumber. That was bad, and I am hearing "so grateful it wasn't worse," but we can work on that next time.

For now let me get to why this story is relevant to YOU.

You've heard me say this before: Mindset is everything. And in a situation like this, you can panic and send fear waves through your body, or you can visualize light and start healing—and that's what I did. I told my body it was going to be okay and I called upon all the angels to place their healing hands on me and get to work. Then I ran my own white light: placed my hands on my ribs and generated light and circulated my breath.

I did this over and over. Any time someone said something that brought the fear back, I said, no thank you, I choose to be healthy and healed, and ran the white light.

On the stretcher.
In the ambulance.
In the hospital bed.
In the X-ray room.
In the CT scanner room.

Miraculously, the X-rays and CT scans came back clear—nothing broken.

The body is a miraculous healing machine, it knows what to do. It does more than you know. Tell it what you want it to do, don't send it fear messages, and don't cloud the vision with self-loathing.

I didn't say "oh, now this project is screwed," "why did you do that you idiot," or "omg, it's going to be months before I'm whole again."

No.

I realized the message: STOP. You're doing too much, and you need to take it easy. I told my body I hear you, I will honor you, and I am. I asked for help and I'm receiving that. I rested for 5 days because I had to. But today is Day 7, and the last 2 days have been more mobile. I don't think this is a 6-week healing, as the doctor said it would be, because I give my body all it needs to heal quickly and easily.

You can do this, too. Any time you feel drained, cut yourself, or worse. Thoughts create things. Don't create the wrong things with the wrong thoughts. This is what I hope for you—that in every crisis you find clarity.

Now... on to why I'm already singing Christmas carols. A bonus, "lucky strike extra" for those of you who stick around and read through to the end.

While I was lying in the hospital, I heard the angels singing and I couldn't place the tune. You know how when you have a bar or two, but no words, and it repeats over and over on your inner juke box, until either it drives you insane or you figure it out.

I lay there humming softly, and let the song unfold, eyes closed, seeing the tall figures around me. I got a few more bars... I could place it, almost.

It continued in the hour-long, painful car ride home. I heard the refrain, over and over – high pitched, choir-like singing, calming, angel voices.

It continued in my bed that evening, until I got on my music app and started listening. That's when I figured it out: "Oh Holy Night" by Nat King Cole

Yes! It was so juicy I listened to it over and over... And each time, it brings me chills.

Fall to your knees, hear the angels calling.
Oh night divine. . .

Healing is magical stuff.
May my ripple of light find you,

Andy