50 is Nifty
When I was 10, I was told DOUBLE DIGITS! Like it was a huge milestone, a right of passage. Little did I know.
When I was 20, I thought I was grown up. Little did I know.
When I was 30, I felt like I was entering middle age. Little did I know.
When I was 40, I felt like I was still figuring it all out. I felt silly to think I hadn't yet. Little did I know.
Now I am turning 50, and when I think of what 50 looked like to 10, 20, 30 or 40, it felt old. I don't feel old. I feel better at 50, in fact, than I did at 30. At 30, I ate like crap, floundered in purpose and dedication (and loyalty), and it showed.
I am still figuring it out, but I am doing so by nurturing my inner child right now. I am seeing the young child parts of my self that haven't healed, and have come to Shambhala to do so. I am seeing the young adult parts of my self that haven't matured, and I have come to Shambhala to do so. And that may take another 50 years, and that's okay. I know what we are creating here is a place for everyone to do that kind of deep work and healing, through the land, though, not through me. My days of "healing" others are long behind me. Because we can't do that. Only us and us alone can do the work it takes to heal. And that knowledge alone, makes me feel every day of 50 — all 18,250 days of it.
That's a lot of miles... but not half way! If you know me well, you'll know my vision. I will live to 108. The number of beads on the mala and rosary strands, the number of completion. I have seen it, and it feels good. And I know it will be approaching the darkest of winter's days, so I'll be 108.5. And I'll have gone through my 4th Saturn Return.
Yes, 50 is a milestone, but 50 is just a number, another day, another year, another decade, and only whatever you make of it. I plan to make this year my best, as I always do. With the help of this magical place we now get to call home. I hope you come visit us here. It's indescribable.
Milestones are magical...
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